It is Time: Thoughts on My New Relationship with Time

It is Time: Thoughts on My New Relationship with Time

All of my adult life, I have wished for more time. I dreamed of a life where I only did what I wanted when I wanted. I would read and write as many hours as I wished. I would prepare only healthy food, go for nice, long walks in the country, time being a smorgasbord laid out in front of me, just as it might seem for this fellow, ready to rest all day after a successful kill. But I never really believed I would have this kind of time in my life. Two weeks ago Thursday was my last day as a practicing psychoanalyst. I feel good about the 36 years I have spent doing this work. I have been fortunate to have had wonderful training and excellent consultation. I have also been lucky enough to have had some patients who have blossomed in ways I could not have imagined. I...

Retirement Phase II: A New Relationship with Time

Retirement Phase II: A New Relationship with Time

Finding good fortune in the company of my next novel, my husband, our dog Django and Proust As most of you know, I closed my private practice office in July 2017. But for the few remaining patients whom I thought might benefit from another year with me, and who did not wish to have to see another therapist, we continued by phone. As of December 2018, I will be ending these most precious relationships as well. For those of you who have had the experience of long-term treatment, or those of you who do long-term treatment as therapists yourselves, perhaps you can appreciate what this might mean to me. If only I had owned a shop where I might just close the doors and that would be that. We can become attached to shops or even their keepers, but this sort of...

When the Lion is Not Asleep: Thoughts On Writing a Prequel

When the Lion is Not Asleep: Thoughts On Writing a Prequel

In the jungle The mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight While my husband and I were traveling in the bush of South Africa, we were told that male lions sleep about 18 to 20 hours per day. After eating a kill, most often obtained by the hard-working female, males might sleep a full 24 hours. The female is fairly close behind and sleeps somewhere between 16 to 18 hours. Contrary to the above song lyric, they hunt in the twilight, and they are more likely to be sleeping when you come upon them during the daylight hours. I have finally reached the stage in life where I can sleep during the daytime or during the nighttime, as I wish. I have so often wondered what that would be like: to sleep when I want, to read a novel from cover to cover without moving, to begin a...

Watch the Dung Beetle

Watch the Dung Beetle

Why I keep rolling forward to a sweet new career I am haunted by dreams of going back to college, at my current age, no less, and with a full head of gray hair. I am living with an assortment of strange young people in dorms or apartments with filthy kitchens, sinks piled with dirty dishes, and no drawers or closet space. The only restaurant in any of the many hallucinatory towns I come upon in sleep has thin soup, mashed something or other and saltine crackers. There is only one book for four classes or four books for one class, but in none of these towns does the college bookstore have any of the texts I need. I am never registered for the semester until I’ve missed too many classes to obtain credit for attending. I show up anyway, once I search forever to find...

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